TOP 5 things that single people are tired of hearing

5. “You’ve still got plenty of time”. Wow! Thank you, Father Time! So you mean to tell me that all of these years I’ve spent pining away to build the real Back to the Future car were wasted? How unfortunate. I have plenty of time? Do I have eternal life? Do you sell an anti-aging solution? Because, let’s face it, the closer I get to and past 30, the fewer eligible bachelors with teeth and jobs are available.
4. “Maybe you should look into online dating.” People don’t tell you to hop on Eharmony or Jdate when you're 21 to find your dream hunk, do they? Why? Because we all know that deep down folks that suggest cyber love think that’s where normal dating went to die and was reborn as something where people completely throw their inhibitions out the window in the comfortable knowledge that they may or may not ever see this person in “real life”. It’s not even that online dating is so bad. What is bad is that people are only suggesting it because they feel like it’s your last resort before an eternity of watching the Price is Right re-runs and eating cat food alone.

3. “ Just when you stop looking, there he’ll be!” My next investment is certainly going to be a fashionable blindfold, because I can only take this literally, not figuratively. When do people past the age of 27 years old ever completely shut down and say they are opposed to dating and are off the market? I’m pretty sure that those same people who told you to stop looking would be much more concerned by your sudden lack of interest in the opposite sex.

2. “God has a plan.” I know that God has a plan for my life. He has a plan for my career, family, friends, and even control over whether or not I get a cramp running next week. I know this, because I believe in Him and His promises. Irregardless, that doesn’t mean that I have any more knowledge of what that plan is. Telling me that He has a plan over and over doesn’t make me know who my husband is or even that he might exist. I think it’s just what really nice people say because they know it sucks and don’t want to make it anymore awkward than it already is.

1. “It will happen when you least expect it.” Ah, the most famous one-liner of all! Who even wants to re-hash this? We’ve only heard it time and time and time and time again. So, instead of using some of the mentioned anecdotes when you are hearing about your single friend’s recent breakup or nearly extinct dating life, maybe try “yea, I know it sucks”, “let’s go eat a bunch of pizza and ice cream together”, or better yet, introduce them to your friend who’s main source of income is playing Eric Bana’s stunt double.

Note to readers: This is all for fun & laughs and not an attack on all of you who have probably said these things to me or other innocent bystanders.